This weekend, our college ministry had a little get together at a friends house. We swam and cooked out and really just had a good time. But once the sun went down and all the food was gone, haha, we all sat down on her back porch and just began talking. Before we knew it, the conversation had gotten pretty deep with people sharing their opinions with one another, with a few small disagreements.
The topic of this entire conversation was dating. A member of the group is reading the book I kissed dating goodbye and wanted to tell us all of his new look on dating. Eventually, the conversation got around to how the world has corrupted dating. I wanna talk and discuss a few ways I think this is true.
Number one: "I'll date to find out exactly what I want in a partner." I think this is can be a positive thing, in some aspects, but I think it is more negative. If you date around just to see what you like in people, you're going to leave more behind than you take with you. Even if you withold your emotions in these relationships, eventually you'll become numb to dating altogether and could possibly never even acquire emotions for the one that is your perfect match. In my mind, and I don't think I'm alone in thinking this, dating is to be done with committment. I don't think you should date someone unless you could legitimitely see yourself with them forever. If it doesn't work out, then God does have a bigger plan. But dating with a commitment can lead to a deeper more meaningful relationship. I was only in two serious relationships my entire high school career. I was committed to both of them. No, niether worked out, but I really did learn soooo much, inadvertantly. I had no intention of dating to figure out things I wanted in a spouse, but God uses all our circumstances to teach us.
Number two: Attachment. We are told in Proverbs to guard our hearts. Until recently, I had never really thought about it all that much. But after taking some time and meditating on what that really means, I realized that I started "seriously" dating way too early. I had no clue what those emotions and thing brought with them. And, to be honest, I have left part of myself behind. Now, God is a gracious God and has provided everything I need, but the thought is still there. I encourage you to be slow to give someone much of yourself. You never get it all back.
All that said. Do not forget that God can change up our plans at any moment. James 4:13-15 says: Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that."
I think this verse speaks volumes when it comes to dating. It is great to have plans, but never withold them from God's powerfull will.
Please comment and give me feedback on this. I typed a lot.
Desiring deeper relationships,
Jeremy
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Dating is tough. I have recently made a decision to not date someone I really enjoy spending time with. It wasn't anything against them, it was purely my immaturity to maintain a relationship that doesn't take away from God. At this point in my walk and my ministry as a youth minister, along with school, I don't find myself capable of dating. I think that we should definitely guard our hearts. I have a youth of mine who was on fire for God and was just a witness to God that I had never seen. God was using him so well. He got into a relationship and not that he is completely ineffective, but he has definitely let his guard down in many ways and isn't being fully used by God as he could be.
ReplyDeleteAll that to say this, don't jump into a relationship for your own reasons. I fully believe that as two people grow closer to each other, they should grow toward God. If that isn't being done, it's not being done in a manner that is pleasing to God and it is not helping the two build a healthy relationship.
Yay you have a blog!
ReplyDeleteSo great subject-one I've been debating in my mind recently. So not to argue, but just to probe your mind to see what ya think:
Let's say you're dating, and are commited and guarding your heart, but then you somehow just "know" they aren't the one? Do you then break it off, or let them know your feelings, or what if God changes your feelings for them during the relationship? Just wondering! :)
Emily, Here's what I think. Please feel free to disagree. haha. On the front end of a relationship, I always tell the person (in a not creepy way) that I could see this being a long-term thing, possibly even going the distance. But you have to keep in mind that God can change your plans. James 4:13-15 provide a biblical escape if your feelings do change. God can change them. If something comes up that is an absolute deal breaker, I would tell that person. Maybe not abruptly. I wouldn't necessarily just leave, and I completely acknowledge the fact that it would be so hard. But I think it is a conversation that MUST be had. Relationships grow deeper through complete honesty. I would break off romantic things with them though. It hurts worse sooner than later. Plus, compromise is no good. The longer you wait, the more likely you are to compromise.
ReplyDeleteOn the side: I think it's a really really good idea to know that there aren't any deal breakers before even thinking about dating. When Kels and I started talking, I literally spent 4 months trying to find a reason NOT to date her. I really couldn't find one. ha. That's just a little insurance against surprise deal breakers haha.
meant to say it hurts worse later** haha. fingers are faster than my mind.
ReplyDelete